A man walks into a bar

For my birthday, something for all of you. Smile and forget the election.

So, a sphere walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve spheres here." The disgruntled sphere walks outside, but then gets an idea and performs Dahn surgery upon himself. He walks into the bar, and the bartender, who does not recognize him but thinks he looks familiar (or at least locally similar) and asks, "Aren't you that sphere that just came in here?" "No, I'm a frayed knot."

Ok, I admit I don't have a clue what that's about. But I know if I did, it would be funny. That's the great thing about "a man walks into a bar" jokes. I particularly like the "we don't serve your type around here" ones. A ham sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, Sorry, we don't serve food here.

A font walks into a bar. The bartender says, Sorry, we don't serve your type here.

C, E-flat and G walk into a bar. The bartender says, "sorry, but we don't serve minors." So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.

A neutrino walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve neutrinos here." The neutrino says, "That's all right, I'm just passing through."

Argon walks into a bar. The bartender says, Sorry but we don't serve noble gases here!' Argon doesn't react.

Remember when scientists briefly thought they had recorded neutrinos moving faster than the speed of light? I loved this one: The bartender says, Sorry, we don't serve faster-than-light particles here. A neutrino walks into a bar.

René Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks him if he wants a beer, Descartes says "I think not" and disappears.

A man walks into a bar holding an alligator. He asks the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?" The bartender says, "Yes, we do!" "Great" the man says. "Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my alligator."

My favorite bar jokes are short, but a couple of longies are classics:

A duck walks into a bar and says to the bartender "Got any grapes?" The bartender says "No, I don't have any grapes." The duck walks out, sorely disappointed. The next day, the duck walks into the bar and asks "Got any grapes?" and gets the same answer. The day after that, the duck walks into the bar, and again asks the bartender, "Got any grapes?" The bartender is getting annoyed and says, "No, and if you come back in here tomorrow and ask me again, I will nail your bill to the bar!" The duck frowns, turns around, and walks out of the bar. So the next day, the duck walks into the bar, and asks the bartender "Got any nails?" The bartender, kind of surprised, says "Well, no." "So," the duck says "got any grapes?"

A man and dog walk into a bar. The man bets the bartender a free drink that he can make his dog talk. The bartender agrees. So the man asks his dog, "What is on top of a house?" The dog says, "Roof!" The man asks his dog, "How does sandpaper feel?" The dog replies, "Ruff!" The man asks his dog, "Who was the best hitting outfielder of all time?" The dog replies, "Ruth!" The bartender throws them both out of the bar. The dog looks at the man and says, "What, I should have said Ted Williams?"